


Autumns and Ruins

by konako



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, Red Snow friendship, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-04-06 20:31:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19070134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/konako/pseuds/konako
Summary: "No. What are you doing?" Regina countered, taking a firm stance in her place. "Since when are you the type of person to become drunk beyond reason? Since when do you deal with your problems at the bottom of a bottle?"---Ruby is not well.Established Red Queen.





	Autumns and Ruins

**Author's Note:**

> This is a translation of an old work, originally posted in Portuguese. Please, forgive any weird phrasing. I hope you like it.

The glass tumbled over the marble, and Regina held voiceless breath to her lips. The reflection in her hands tried to stop the thud, but the glass rolled over the stone before her palms could grasp it.

Under her breath, she murmured an unnamed curse. By foolish luck, the piece had resisted the fall, sliding on the counter in a single piece.

"Oh, shit," Ruby's slurred voice complained, seconds too late. " Sorry," the girl took a step toward the counter, but her wet boots slid through the smooth floor, swinging her off balance.

Again, Regina's reflection was delayed, and the Mayor only had the girl by the arms when Ruby was already leaning against the marble.

"You're drunk," Regina pointed out, aware that her voice reverberated hard and rough through the deep silence of the kitchen. Not even the night's crickets escorted her in protest.

_By the Gods, how much_   _a werewolf_   _would have to drink, to even feel the effects of alcohol_?

It was against the nature of her species, that Ruby would be so easily numbed — and more so, that she would be inclined to excess.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," the syllables blur together as they leave Ruby lips, sounding disconnected from her throat.

"Of course you are," Regina sneered, closing her fingers with a little more force around Ruby's elbows. "Why do it? You know your wolf will protest this stupid decision later"

Ruby's smile was crooked, too weak to reach her eyes. Glazed and blurred, the green eyes were lost in the mid-distance. "My wolf knows no hangover. I'm gonna be fine”

Regina bit her lip, trying to fight the will to argue against the girl's poor logic.

She was _not_ well.

She never was, when the damned day dawn again, every year.

By the first autumn, Ruby had isolated herself. She had disappeared from the city and had not communicated with anyone for the long week of her departure.

In the autumn that followed, she lied for the first time.  _"I'm fine,"_  she'd told Regina, still in her sheets. The woman noticed her bluff, but let it pass. That same night, Ruby had burst into tears on the grounds of her garden.

The next year, she disappeared again.  _A solitary hunting_ , she’d explained.  _A moment for herself and for her mind_ , she had described to Regina, and, again, the Queen bought her lie. As soon as the moon had lost its shape, Ruby had returned, dejected, bruised, and bloodied.

And so the day was repeated, for so many autumns. Each time, a different lie — a different excuse.

But Ruby had never admitted the truth. Never to Regina, at least. Never in her sober conscience. Never in a loud voice.

_She was not well._

And Regina would not believe her lies anymore.

"Ruby," she tried, calming the frustrated energy in her hands, which closed her fingers like blades to Ruby's jacket. "Please,  _talk to_  me. You know I'll listen to you. Like you listen to me"

Ruby's silence denounced her. Her clear eyes made an inhuman effort against the drunkenness, trying to adjust to Regina's face. Heavy eyelids fluttered, and rosy lips trembled, in the failed attempt of a smile.

"I don’t know what you're talking about"

Even soaked in poison, Ruby's strength was beyond human. Without a struggle, she freed her arm from Regina’s grip, taking unsteady steps backwards, in the distance. Turning away from the woman, she headed for the refrigerator. Regina followed in the same breath.

"You finished that Maleficent wine? Gods, she really knows how to make something magical—"

Ruby's voice was cut short by Regina's intrusion. The Queen appeared in front of her, blocking her impulse.

" _Stop_ ," Regina reached out in the short space between Ruby and the metal door. "You're already out of your mind. I don’t know how you managed to overpower your wolf’s blood, but you’re far beyond what your regeneration can withstand. It’s wise to stop before you’re completely poisoned"

Ruby snorted a dry laugh, the alcohol in her breath irritating Regina's nose. "Gods, Regina! Quit being so  _old-fashioned,_ " she complained, reaching for the refrigerator on the woman's back. "I just want some-"

A palm slammed into Ruby's chest, pushing her back. What would once be the impeccable balance of a predator, was the pathetic nausea an indigent. Ruby leaned back against the counter to keep clear of the floor.

The sluggishness in her reaction even delayed her protest.

"What are you doing?" Ruby frowned in irritation, and the shadows are further deepened in her clouded face.

"No. What are  _you_  doing?" Regina countered, taking a firm stance in her place. "Since when are you the type of person to become drunk beyond reason? Since when do you deal with your problems at the bottom of a bottle? "

"Since when do you care?" Ruby replied. The white canines exposed beneath the silent growl.

Regina took a deep breath. She knew that Ruby's true conscience didn’t intended the words so harshly.

"You know I care about you, Ruby," the Mayor took a slow step forward, waiting until Ruby's reaction was friendly. "This is  _me_ , caring about you. You are not well. You need to talk about what happened. Only then can you find some kind of peace—"

"I don’t need peace." Ruby pushed her body away from the counter support, throwing her weight toward the door. The boots creaked on the floor, on their way to the foyer.

Once again, Regina did not hesitate to follow. "Then why do you return to the same ruin every year?" She yelled at Ruby's back and watched as her momentum stopped dead in its tracks.

The long hair swayed with the rest of her movement, until everything in her form froze altogether.

Regina took advantage of the silence.

"You have a pattern. You may be perfectly blind to it, but I see it.  _Every year,_  in this same season, you fall in this same state. Either you flee into the forest and plunge into guts and blood, or you ruin the most fetid bars, soaked in alcohol and grief"

Ruby's shoulders lifted, and the sound of her grave snarl reverberated through the mansion.

"Enough," the girl ordered.

"Well, why? Do you think  _you_ _'re_ tired?" Regina circled the center of her foyer, making her way to Ruby. " _I'm exhausted, Ruby._  When this day comes, I wonder what I'll have to deal with! A rampant wolf? A woman with no reason? I can never predict what will come, but one thing is always certain:  _you_  never survive sane"

Finally, Regina found herself in front of Ruby. Greenish eyes were golden, as they reflected the dim light on the walls.

"It's been four years, Ruby," Regina sighed. Her will wanted to take the girl in her arms and calm her fears, but her reason knew that Ruby would resist until the very end. "You need to let yourself be healed. You need to forgive yourself"

Regina waited for another roar to echo deep from Ruby's chest, but when the long silence died, the girl just smiled. The emptiest smile she had ever worn.

"The Evil Queen, suggesting forgiveness?” Another shaky breath blew through her teeth. "What a joke"

Before Regina could anticipate the move, Ruby pushed forward, hitting against her shoulder.

If Regina could roar, she would.

But she was only a witch, and if Ruby would abuse her attributes, so would Regina.

With the colorless strength of her magic, she locked the girl's body in the air, completely stopping her muscles.

Ruby groaned her annoyance. "Of course," she snorted at the empty air. "Typical "

"To hell with that. You will hear me now," Regina promised, pulling her hand through the air and with it, turning Ruby's fluttering body to face her. "You are on a path of self-destruction. I understand the irony of hearing something like that from someone like me, but that is the truth.” And she walked up to, noticing how the girl used of all her strength all to try to override the magic holding her body in place your body." Despise my advice for forgiveness all you want, but you seem to forget that I, in the end, forgave Snow White. Gods, I became her ally. I joined her fight and we fought side by side. In spite of all my hatred, I found strength in me to forgive her, because I, like you, was ruining myself, little by little"

Ruby tried to smile another empty gesture, but her anger bubbled up to the surface, surpassing the torpor of her drunkenness. "We are not equals this time, Regina. Our experiences are not the same. Don’t try to convince me with false comparisons"

Regina sighed.  _Gods!_   _Even with compromised sanity, the girl held on to her damn stubbornness._

"Your situation is different, I understand," Regina agreed. Slowly, the force of her magic soothed down, releasing the pressure around Ruby. "But I'm afraid your end will be the same. You are not helping yourself. Instead, you sink more and more—"

"She is dead because of me"

Ruby's voice was impenetrable, even as the tears trapped in her eyes betrayed her.

"That's not true," Regina tried.

"It's the  _only_  truth," Ruby gritted her teeth. The muscles around her neck were taut, battling the lump in her throat. "It’s the end to which I am doomed: All those I love, dying because of me"

"Ruby, listen to yourself!" Regina pleaded, reaching for the girl's touch. In the same second, Ruby denied it, pushing her hands away. "You are not to blame for what happened"

" _Then why do all of you talk so much about_   _forgiveness?"_  Ruby cried, the amber light in her eyes flashing beneath the shadow of her brow. "You offer me the same advice, _'forgive yourself, forgive yourself, forgive yourself!_ '" The laughter that echoed from her lips was dark. "Everyone knows I'm to blame. Everyone knows it was  _because of me—"_

The sob broke through her chest, breaking all her masks, destroying the rest of her strength.

Regina let her cry sound, unrestrained.

This was the most honest Ruby would ever let herself be.

But the remnants of her stubbornness still clung to her. With a motion so fast it was only desperate, Ruby took the sleeve of her jacket to her cheeks, wiping away the tears that escaped her.

"I know..." Ruby lingered on another sore sob. Golden eyes gaining a red tone beneath the weeping. "I know there was little to do, but still... it was still  _my duty to_  do it.  _I should have been there with her_  when they took her. "She bit her lips until they lost their color. Ruby tried harder and harder to lock herself up. "She was with me when Granny passed, and I  _could_  not  _be with her_  when— Gods! I left her all alone. I could have protected her, but—but I left her! "

Another sob shook her body, and Ruby's voice collapsed. Regina felt the pain like stab wounds in her own heart. In wary footsteps, she approached the girl.

"There was nothing you could have done, Ruby," Regina warmed her voice to a sigh. "Snow White had chosen this end. The disease consumed her and she accepted her fate.  _You're not to blame for this"_

Ruby shook her head, still resisting Regina's subtle efforts to take her in her arms.

"David blames me, too. He knows I could have saved her," Ruby let her gaze drop to the floor, shoulders plummeting on their own weight, fatigued. "We both know my curse could have saved her. My blood would fight the disease—if I had only been with her, I—I could have healed her"

Regina touched the tip of her fingers to Ruby's arms, feeling the rigid tension melt away like water beneath her touch. She slid her palms down her jacket, pulling Ruby gently against her, until the girl let herself be hugged.

"Snow White did not want you to," Regina muttered against Ruby's shoulder. The sob of the taller woman, already mute, shook them both. "She confessed it to me one night. She knew you would try it, but she did not want you to. David has no right to blame you.  _No one_   _has,"_  Regina wrapped her arms around Ruby's back, pressing her against her chest. "You did not cause Snow White to die"

Over her shoulder, Regina felt Ruby's motion, shaking her head in denial. A tearful murmur blew against her short hair. "I couldn’t protect her. I couldn’t be with her—"

Regina rested her face against Ruby, her deep sigh running through both bodies. "You've been with her all your life.  _I know_. I battled you two together, do you not remember? " A laughing breath escaped Ruby's chest, and Regina accepted the sign as proof of her success. "You, before anyone else, was with her. You saved her, countless times. You protected her, more than anyone else"

Her hands dropped back to Ruby's arms, pulling her away from her just enough to look into her eyes.

"Death comes for us all.  _That_ _'s_ the only truth." Regina sighed, watching as the amber color sank back into the tears and gave way to the emerald hue she was accustomed to. "Snow White, in life, would not allow you to dwell in sorrow like this. Don’t you think that, in death, she would want the same? "

Ruby looked away. Lips still clenched between her teeth, and her brow furrowed in shadow.

"Celebrate her life," the woman asked, searching for the greenish eyes. "Do not mourn her death this way"

Her pale chest fell, exhaling a harsh breath that blew with no sound. Ruby licked her lips, returning color to them.

"Everyone's gone," Ruby dragged her eyes back to Regina, "Peter, Dorothy, Granny... Snow," the girl sealed another sob in her throat, throwing her head back. Her tears now dried, she turned away from Regina. Her steps no longer fled, but wandered aimlessly. "I have no one left"

Regina smiled. The curved lips conveyed truth, although sad, bittersweet truth. "I am right here"

Ruby frowned again, and there were laughing tones behind her lines. "I know. But you're not mine, are you?" She slid her long fingers through the tangled strands of her hair, freeing them from her face. "I'm fleeting to you. I'm the bothersome distraction you've came across, while waiting for something better..."

There was no strength left in Regina to feel anger. No, there was nothing in her that would light any fury against Ruby, for she knew, better than anyone else, that Ruby was talking about herself. She didn’t judge Regina — she underestimated herself.

Her smile lingered on compassion.

"How dare you say such a thing?" Regina raised her eyebrows in silent defiance, and Ruby promptly conceded the battle, escaping her gaze. "I'm not here  _wasting time_  by your side.  You're not saving someone else's place. You  _are_  what I expected”

Ruby blew a lifeless laugh. "Pathetic and self-destructive? Are you sure  _this_  is what you hoped for?" She gestured to herself, before letting her arms soften back at her side. "You deserve better than me, Regina."

The woman shook her head.

_Silly girl._

"You're drunk, honey." Regina walked toward Ruby, taking her arm in the crook of her elbow. "And, believe me, you tend to be even gloomier when intoxicated. Don’t listen to this ludicrous logic"

Ruby murmured a low note of consent, her fight already drained from her eyes.

For a second the silence reigned between them. The sound echoing against the walls was only the creaking of the staircase, under the weight of their steps. Slowly, the crickets came out of their hiding places, painting the soundscape of comfort.

_Nature was terribly sensitive to its predators_.

Regina stared at the emptiness.

"The years are more merciful to beings like us, with magic in our veins.”  The woman laid a kiss on Ruby's shoulder as her feet guided them on their sleepy path to the bedroom. "We are resilient; much more than we would have liked, sometimes. It is sadly predictable that others will be gone, long before us"

Ruby rested the weight of her head against Regina’s, filling her chest in a painful sigh. "Longevity is a particularly excruciating curse”

Regina lifted her face from Ruby's curves to meet her eyes. The sadness in her features lingered, but the grim melancholy melted away.

"We have too much time," Regina agreed, wrapping her arm around Ruby's waist, eliminating all the distance between their bodies. "At least we can spend it together"

The planks of wood beneath their feet gave way to the thick carpet of their bedroom. In a slow pause, Regina stopped her walk, turning to face Ruby.

Her hands rose and slid through girl’s tall form, finding place beneath her long hair, clinging to the nape of her neck. Her fingers curled, taking Ruby's face into her touch.

"We'll face this curse side by side, Ruby." Regina prostrated herself on tiptoe, bringing her lips to pale skin. "You have my word"

With a tearful smile, Ruby nodded.

"Thank you."

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think! Thank you for reading.


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